Working together

So I decided to put my energy and effort into a for profit initiative to bring awareness to businesses on sustainable practices. For almost nothing, for less than unemployment benefit (it's also true that I am not entitled to this "uitkering"). Full time. Getting the project off the ground, lots of things done.

A kind person recently told me that "You must be really desperate to make a difference!". I smiled. And now I smile again. For for a different reason. One has ultimately no one else to blame for certain choices but themselves.

Being into personal development and community building, yet also on the journey of defining my borders, I took the role on and tried to be assertive, yet hard working. Working a lot, delivering results for almost nothing. For helping a company to build a project I would not be around to enjoy the benefits of. Fully understanding that I do it for the purpose, for large companies rethinking certain ways. Yet, I also hoped to generate open communication and feedback loops.

I got my feedback this morning, while getting ready to engage some organisations for potential partnership. It said, "Thank you, that's it. We work with different rules. You can leave. Now."
Oops, that is normally not what an open, adaptive organisation would say. At least for sure they would not start the conversation with this. So, here I am, feeling better about not working for something I believe in with people I find hard to believe in. When you look back, it becomes all clear, the messages you should have picked up on earlier. It did not happen, though. So I smile. Yes, maybe I was just a tiny bit to desperate to make a difference since I have no agreement on paper. If with nothing else at all, I will walk away richer. In experience.

Sometimes you are not aware of the things you are capable of doing. In this role, I could sometimes hardly believe the success I achieved in a day. Real confidence boost.
I also learnt that there are many people out there not open to personal development, and despite being great people, they still hold on too tight to the command & control type of management.

I learnt that I need to watch my back better. And that I need to find ways to get people to talk before they explode and there is no way back.
Well, all in all, it was great. But I hope I won't do it again! :-)