The practice

One of the assignments Prof Boyatzis gave was to have a meeting in which we strive to be inspiring, coach with compassion. Easier said than done!

I had a couple of meetings where I tried to ask the right questions to trigger a thought process in my conversation partner, but I am not sure I succeeded. So I was thinking, why?

My working hypothesis is that I was too focused on the outcome, on the impression I'd make, rather than just be in the moment and let things take their own course. I find it generally difficult to just be - and allow things to emerge slowly and naturally. This is definitely an improvement point for me.

Today I decided to spend the day in silence - I was attending to everyday chores, but decided not to play any music, movie, or radio. Just me, my thoughts, the quiet buzz of the fridge and whatever sounds enter from the street through the open windows. Actually, this is already quite a palette of sounds. But none of them tried to pass a particular piece of information to me.
And so by mid afternoon I thought, what is MINDFULNESS?

Is that what I need to practice? How? How do I know when I am in the right state of mind?
For starters, I guess I do not know. But I think building a practice of silence, awareness and mental presence is something that will certainly not hurt me.

Coming back to my initial question - how to be inspiring and coach with compassion - I think for me the beginning is to admit that it's better something that happens naturally at first rather than me planning it for each and every meeting I have. Maybe through simply focusing on listening and being in the moment I will help my conversation partner feel energized!

Prof Boaytzis on Resonant Leadership

Watch a short and interesting video by Prof Boyatzis here. Very interesting speech on resonant leadership!

As I am immersing myself more and more in this journey towards "what really matters to me, what am I really passionate about", I catch myself being stuck in the loop of "but how do I find time to engage with all of this".

I have long ago given up on using the excuse that I do not have time for something. One has time for everything one wants to do - it's a matter of priorities. To a great extent, anyway.

Now imagine, most of us have (1) a full time job, (2) a hobby, (3) a family, and like to get (8) a decent amount of sleep a day. In addition to this comes cooking, commuting, exercise, relaxation and socializing, to mention the bare minimum. Relaxation is a must - and so is socializing, for mental sanity and for a balance in out everyday lives. (Having just read an article recently about some of the top leaders in which they all say they meditate every day! Emptying our head is quintessential and it it's just too often that we forget to do it.)

But then how does one integrate the core purpose and passion into everything we do? It most likely should not be something "on top" of everything we already do.  Most of us have a job, a set of tasks to perform at work and outside of it and some social commitments (towards family and friends). With our days filled with to-dos, how can we practice mindfulness, presence, resonant leadership and work towards our personal and professional vision?

Or how can we come up with a vision that is applicable to us both on a personal and a professional level? Where is the balance? And once found, how can we maintain it?

I think I am starting to see parts of an answer that I will find workable, but I would like to receive your insight on it as well.

Seth Godin shows The Dip

It is obvious that there are many great books, philosophies, inspirational speakers and other tools that can help us on our journey to discover what we really want to achieve, where we really find meaning and purpose in life.

One of these tools may well be Seth Godin's latest book, The Dip.

This visual outlines the journey, really. When we start off, things seem positive. Then a moment comes when we need to reconsider if we are still on the right path. Are we still following my northern star - do we still know where I am going? What are the things we should give up on and what are the things we should push through? Perseverance might pay off, if applied to the right areas of work/life. These any many other questions are covered in The Dip, a very useful and worthwhile read available in bookstores globally. Pick up a copy and let's discuss what you though of it!

But now back to the personal development: Before deciding about the steps on the journey, I find it critically important to come up with a personal vision - and mission statement. This statement naturally changes over time, but it's essence remains, it engrained in our values, our personality, our skills and development areas.

On the above visual some of the possible elements of a personal vision and purpose are outlined. But maybe some are missing - and others do not mean much to us. That is why a very personalized journey is necessary for each of us. The journey is not short. But it's worth it. And it should start with identifying what is going well and what is off track in our lives - followed by the formulation of a personal vision.

I just took on Coursera.org an online course on Emotional Intelligence by Prof. Boyatzis. We also covered Resonant Leadership and Personal Vision in class - please do access info on this online. It's extremely insightful. And I will cover a small part of in in my next blog post.

What is the best way to work towards "happiness"?

As said in my previous post, there are several alternative "journeys" to help figure out what we ultimately long for. All start by a realization that we are not too happy in this given moment. Then comes the "take a step back" moment in which we ask ourselves what we really want.

From having asked the question to figuring out an answer, there are alternative routes. There are two routes I would like to mention.

One of them requires a longer journey, in line with the Theory U. This is not a quick fix, but is hopefully a thorough one in which we answer many critical questions about what we are passionate about and how can we sustain our own happiness and fulfillment. This journey asks us not to jump into conclusions, not to want to draw up a plan of action within a couple of hours. Instead it invites us to reflect, to get to know ourselves better and reach a deep point of awareness from where on then part of a grand solution will start emerging. Many people combine this journey with meditation, taking a sabbatical leave or otherwise defining a space in which they can be undisturbed.

Then there is another route, a more action oriented one, where we try to figure out what makes us tick, what exactly we are good at and what we could improve, how to build a practice of asking meaningful questions, what topics we are passionate about, etc. I think it is again important not to jump into conclusions and expect to come up with a grand plan within a day, but it is definitely a process where we proactively expose ourselves to new influences, triggers and impressions.

Now that I have the time, I have to admit my journey resembles to the second one, the more proactive one. I keep asking myself questions such as what really bothers me, what do I do well, how do I contribute to my surrounding, what are my hobbies, what values do I really believe in, how do I get inspired and how to I inspire others, what purpose do I look for or how can I build my personal happiness strategy knowing that my priorities and ambitions shift every day.

It is a very interesting journey. I feel blessed to have the time and personal space to go through it. I am sure my questions are recurring ones and every couple of years or so one should go through a reflective journey. But I know that in our everyday lives it is very difficult to find the mental space for it. All I am saying: it's worth it.

Next time I will share some thoughts about the simple things we can do to help us get into the right mood to reflect on what's wrong - or if there is anything wrong.

It's been a year

It seems just fair to write again after a year of sabbatical leave from blogging.
Much has changed in the world and also for me - the course of the overall development is generally positive.
People are more engaged in community projects, there is more information available online about everything. With more info also comes more clutter and the need to learn to navigate and to rise above everyday "noise".

This is maybe also my very own, personal journey. How can I filter out what really matters? How can I make sense of all the things heard / said / seen? How can I keep an independent mind when it's so tempting to let go and be carried by a random wave of trend, external influences or majority opinions?

I am not sure if I will be able to communicate clearly enough about the progress of my journey, but I will try.

Most importantly, I would like to point to sources that can help: World Wide Web (namely sources such as coursera.org or the Happiness Project. Or TED. And many others).

Also, there are two very distinct non-virtual places where parts of the answers are hidden: inside of each and every one of us. And inside of those individuals that makes us feel empowered. Maybe it's worth setting aside time to talk to ourselves and to our empowering fellow citizens to understand what we are truly looking for and what gives us a feeling of resilience and meaningfulness.

Next time around, I will discuss 2 distinct ways of figuring things out: (1) by trying not to run towards answers and by (2) by trying to get many new impulses to see which one is my trigger.